The Walk To Ecstasy

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“CEO”; The title that hung outside her door.
“Mrs. Duke”; The one society knew her to be.

The French windows behind her glass desk overlooked another building just like her own. Glass, grey. Sophisticated. Just like all the other buildings in New York. 50 years now in the company, she was one of the finest and richest women of her time. The photo frames only captured moments of false happiness that were forced by the camera men. Who was family?

She was clueless about where they were till christmas, till then even a phone call was a gift. Pearls, heels and suits; her life revolved around it. Deep In thought she noticed that the next building threw a shadow on her office wall and created a delightfully good figure of a tree.
She couldn’t think of the last time she saw an actual tree or park until that day when she took that walk.
-On that auspicious day, he read out the words tears in his eyes and his heart overwhelmed with joy and sorrow both. He knew not what he was to feel, but he knew how right it was.

” Today, I’ll write. Not because someone asked me to, not because I’m forgotten or because I want to be. I don’t want to run away (Secretly, deeply maybe) or get drunk and lay but because I want to be.

Darkness is not evil, it could be a little scary though. I want to walk, and so my dear I’m taking it.

I want to walk, miles and miles without water, without food and books to read. Not because I despise them but because I want to know how it would be without the things I live by.

No money, no, not a penny!

On the dark roads, I’ll walk. My head held high, as though a crown had been bestowed to my head and destiny! Did you know as a little girl I always wanted to be a princess? When I’m a little too tired to go on, the street lights would shine upon me remind me of my destiny.

To walk, to walk and never look back. In the silence of that night, the roads would lead me to the forest. The grass and the animals.
All beings, breathing but sleeping. These days, all too restlessly.

The wind and me, childhood lovers. We’ve been there for quite long now. Let me walk, let me see what you’ve got for me. He plays with my hair, like the younger days of first kisses and romance. Those men had been so wrong and me so naive.  In the midst of my journey, I shall fall in love with the trees, handsome and tall. The branches all over, roots too. But their grandeur too, ends somewhere. We humans, the littlest beings forget that.
Their handsomeness with them, shall die to but not their fruit. They give on.

Here, I shall be admiring them, in awe of their majesty yet I must remember to move on.
You must walk past it, capture it but walk. Forward. Always.

Through the ferns and leaves, covered in dew and mist. I shall greet thee. Like old friends they would wave at me, not leaving their branch and yet spreading smiles. Glistening from the recent rain like an adorned bride, with a heavy heart I shall wave them goodbye. I meet now the mountains, grand and bold. Standing with pride as they do, they smirk in approval to my journey. I bow down in respect.

I see now a land. Mud, wet and fertile. So soft and feminine, like the womb of a mother.

She is a mother to the blooming world except you simply forgot. Let me just stay here for a little while. Ive walked too much. Heavy eyes, stars above my sight. So beautiful. My legs now tired from the journey. The visions, the sights.

Did I see the world enough? I asked my soul, he approved. Anything you’d want to say?

He said to me, I’m glad you din’t live the life I thought you would. You’re exactly where you should! You made me see, all that the world could be. I’m at peace now ! I lay on the wet bed of Mother Earth. The wind cuddling and embracing me. The trees admiring me. The ferns and leaves leaving their abode to fly to me. The mountains sending their blessings indeed.

I’m content, I’m complete.

My lovers and friends all here, the rest is history. I close my eyes, ask Mother Earth to take me in.
Now, my love I can say I’ve lived. The angels await.

Spring, shall be my funeral. The witness shall be you and the world.

Its a celebration! Of life not that which is gone but the one that lived! My lovers and friends were true indeed, stood by me till death did us apart.

With them, I had no papers, no bonds nor marriage or tags.
With them I had, love and purity.

We lived, so celebrate me as she dissolves me within herself and as I fly with the angels themselves. I’ll close my eyes. The walk is over; the destination was truly destined.

I lived, I walked. Found love and ecstasy; Now I must sleep. ”

From the gates of heaven,

xoxo

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Our Greatest Fear —Marianne Williamson

Our Greatest Fear —Marianne Williamson

it is our light not our darkness that most frightens us

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.
Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.

It is our light not our darkness that most frightens us.

We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous,
talented and fabulous?

Actually, who are you not to be?

You are a child of God.

Your playing small does not serve the world.

There’s nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other

people won’t feel insecure around you.

We were born to make manifest the glory of
God that is within us.

It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone.

And as we let our own light shine,
we unconsciously give other people
permission to do the same.

As we are liberated from our own fear,
Our presence automatically liberates others.

—Marianne Williamson

Your sounds, in her anklets.

 

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The one for who she has longed,

To whom her soul belongs, where are you?

Her kajal complete the eyes,

You’re the kajal to her eyes,

Go get her now.

Somewhere the complexity of the henna,

Your name is embedded deep within.

Go find her now,

She longs for you.

Where are you?

You told her In those casual meetings,

You’d never leave her.

Go get her now.

She awaits you,

The earings that you once gave her, shine in her ears.

She’ll never tell anyone that.

The secrets , the smiles.

She’ll never tell anyone,

But you.

That innocent face, is now the bride.

One who’s hair’s adorned with flowers,

Who’s lips shine with colour and gloss,

The jewels studded in every part of her,

She now wears bangles and not bracelets,

The anklets still echo,

The smile still dimples,

Her heart still races,

There’s still a house to make a home,

It’s just not yours.

Where did you go? 

P.s- Inspired by the song – Ye Kabira 🙂

 

A Drop Of Uniqueness

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 Fearful dense grey clouds scream out loud, begging for attention. Disturbing the peace of so many living beings down there, it forgets where it originally  got it’s source of strength from. The oceans below, still remain below and yet higher.

With every moment ,giving a part of itself to these majestic being, or that’s what they appear to be.
Out of the intense anger and fierce barking out of them, and between the thunder strikes falls a little drop; he’s a little being, fragile and scared. Unknown to this world.
No one to call his own, no one to whom he belongs. Or does he? Technicality is different, reality is another. Who is to nurture him and teach him his fate?
He steps down slowly, actually falling, wondering where gravity would take him. Alas! Foolish was  he for he tried to hold on to the air and wind that crossed his paths now and then. Little did he know how it feels to let go of something you love so dearly , or when you try to depend upon something other than yourself.
He journeyed down still hoping, learning and watching. He could feel the same wind that once comforted him giving him intense pressure and pain.

Growing…

There were others like himself, drops of H20 making their way into the giant mass of rocks , soil and water. He wondered if they knew their destination or purpose of being but later he forgot about all the intense questions. The pain was unbearable, for gravity pulled him so strongly and the air pressured him.

In the world of complexity and materialism we forget the real questions of our actual being, the  question of who we really are and to whom we really belong. We forget.

So there he was travelling, his curiosity long gone. Misery upon himself.

He felt something shaking dramatically, something that almost killed him. He looked around and wondered, it wasn’t the air and it wasn’t the rocks below or the grey clouds above. This time it was him, changing.

From a little drop of water, he became a beautiful white web of being. He felt as though his confined self had discovered wings, like a butterfly was fluttering out a cocoon. What was this? Who was he?

The question had returned and now his destiny fulfilled.

He was now a  snowflake, not just a snowflake a beautiful, unique, self confident independent being.

The air, wind, clouds, pressure had transformed him, and the confusion made him confident.

He wasn’t just a drop of water and he didn’t look like the others anymore. He was different, he was now the true him.

So now his purpose is fulfilled, and his destiny lay back to where it belonged, in the ocean. Back, to where he belongs.

 

My Ten Year Old Angel

 

The more I believe in Angels

The more I see them all around me

In friends, family and acquaintances

It’s amazing how much goodness you can see

If only you believe.

I’d call her a little bomb . She’ll blow your mind with her comebacks and thrill you with her amazingly pure thoughts. A true balance.  Outspoken, brilliant, talented, adorable are just a few adjectives.  I’d love to call her a princess but for now she’s a tiny tom boy. Sometimes I see reflections of myself is her, the love for football and guy stuff, the dizziness towards shopping and girly things.Sister from another mother! Probably because we’ve been brought up around the same person!

Never the less,

She’s beautiful. Inside and out. Features of a beautiful woman peep through her face, and you can easily tell she’ll turn out to be a heart breaker of countless boys. A cascade of black hair which now are tied in a messy braid will soon come down styled to perfection. ( Honestly can’t wait to see her grow)

I first saw her when she was almost a baby. Even then she was capable of defeating anyone anywhere. Every time I speak to her it makes me think of the lord’s wonderful creations and perfections. How innocence can stick to true knowledge.

I may have many friends, but there’s always a special place for a few people.

What I love the most about her is the fact that every word comes right from the heart, because she’s still so pure and so innocent. The lord resides in each one of us, but in her he shines out.

 

She reminds me that  there’s still purity In the world, that beauty is precious and love is infinite.

 I thank him( god) for bringing  her in my life. And thank her for reminding me every day what gratitude feels like.

You’re a true angel. 

 

Keep Holding On To the Crazy Stupid Love.

“It’s such a shame for us to part,

Nobody said it was easy

No one ever said it would be this hard”

– Coldplay

‘Life’; you can talk about it all you want but when you get the chance to really live it, the bliss is speechless.

As I write this, I’m empty yet full; full of love, gratitude, of amazement.

A red football, messy room, cupboard filled with crap, a computer desk with the latest of technologies.

8 years ago when I entered it, I didn’t know it would be my room more than his, didn’t know the rightful owner would become such an important part of me. My family, my home. ( No, we’re not married)

I realized family has nothing to do with blood relation, that a home doesn’t have to be a place you legally live.

That, love is beyond anything…

And, that one person can be everything. Your friend, your guide, your parent, your lover, your inspiration. Just about everything, even without saying it.

Even if you live miles away.

Changing so many countries, cities and schools, I try to forget the human tendency of a heavy heart and a choked throat every time you leave a place you love.

I guess, love is us.

And life, likes to play around and test our strength and endurance.

“When you try your best, but you don’t succeed

When you get what you want, but not what you need

When you feel so tired, but you can’t sleep

Stuck in reverse

 And the tears come streaming down your face

When you lose something you can’t replace” 

 

I didn’t realize our friendship would be such bliss; I was too small to understand that back then.

‘My best friend’.  Never really believed in the word, because everybody seems to use it and this is just beyond, beyond my conscious!

4 years of Xbox and teases, crushes and madness, of waking up a lazy boy. Singing to the songs of Akon and dhoom 2. Back then I had you all the time, over the years I forgot that. The only person I had to be jealous of was Jessica Alba. 🙂

Over time, my teenager madness came in and you were probably “the only man” at that point of time in my life. Just when I realized where my life was heading,

I had to say goodbye.

A goodbye, without a hug, without you being there, without tears. So much remorse and sadness.

Turned into silence.

Never thought we’d meet, but life rewards us for our patience and love. What you give you get.

4 years down the line, we didn’t keep all our promises but we kept our souls and heart. Who knew the friendship was hidden in us, even with the distance and silence?

 “When you walk away I count the steps that you take, All the words I need to hear to get me through the day” – Avril

Being with you reminded me what happiness means, togetherness and yes bliss. The hangover just won’t leave me (I’m secretly happy about it). The madness of being with you and just being myself is a treasure to keep!

So many precious moments’s to hold on to, but I’ll leave that for my diary to keep.

“ It’s the state of bliss you think you’re dreaming
It’s the happiness inside that you’re feeling
It’s so beautiful it makes you want to cry”

Cherishing it and keeping it in my heart is all I can do, I’m strong to the world but when it comes to the heart, I’m paralysed. Life’s going to test us all over again, see if we are crazy relationship is worth the wait. I’m sure it is.

There’s jealousy, happiness, madness, sweetness, love, sadness, fear and so much inside of me. Growing up has too many rules, too many restrictions. Falling in love now has its terms and conditions.

But this is our crazy, stupid, love (Loved that you said it)

God knows what it is, I don’t want to.

It’s beautiful, it’s so us.

People may come and people may go, we’ll go on ❤

“You’re not alone, together we stand
I’ll be by your side, you know I’ll take your hand
When it gets cold and it feels like the end
There’s no place to go, you know I won’t give in

Keep holding on
Cause you know we’ll make it through
We’ll make it through
Just stay strong
Cause you know I’m here for you
I’m here for you”

Keep Holding On!

His tomorrow, that never came

“Maa!”  ; He shouted as loud as he could, but his voice did not seem to reach….

His body was giving up slowly and his breath sucked in as he desperately tried to coo a voice. A sudden realization hit him as he figured the screams were now only in his head as memories and flashes from his past dragged along.

He wanted something but he couldn’t decide what, his wind pipe now plunged as though a rope had conquered it. He wanted to live, undoubtedly!

A rush of pain and happiness swept through his body as he pictured that sweet comforting face smiling at him, and holding him. “It would her hurt her to see me this way” he thought but he figured her tears might heal his wounds, seizing his pain!  As seconds passed by he realized, He wanted, needed and craved for his mother more than anything, even oxygen!

Only then as he was lying there, somewhere, waiting till his paralyzed body and suffocating breath gave up.  He finally closed his eyes, because he had now learnt that in this no moon night among the thorns and bushes only the dreams of his mother could pacify him.

Carried away by the remembrance of her scent he wished she could pat him to sleep just like she used too, this time, for an eternal one. For the next morning no matter how much she would try and wake him, he wouldn’t.  He still believed that she would probably kiss him hoping that it would wake him up.

Or maybe, just maybe he would wake up and realize it was a bad dream.

His innocence, his love, his faith lied so deep within. Only if he got the chance to show it!

No matter how much he wished, he finally concluded this was it, this was reality, and he had been stabbed till he couldn’t count the number of times. Just for a few bucks or maybe old rivalry but that hardly mattered now that his life was gone, faded in front of his eyes.

Last night when he had argued with his family, and ignored his girlfriend and insulted his friends he obviously dint know this was it.

Now he longed,Image

For his mother’s sweet song.

The thorns ripped him,

As he took his last breath

Begged for forgiveness for whatever sin..

but his tomorrow never came!