Us At Dusk

Will you come to me at dusk?

When the sun’s fallen and duties done?

Will you run to me,

Like the dog after my car?

Purposelessly yet passionately?

 

Will I be your reason or will I be your refuge?

Am I just somebody or your only muse?

I’m grateful for the night

It’s not scary! Not even close.

Darkness brings closure.

To the day. To reality.

To pretentions and calamity.

 

I loathe the day.

The eyes that see. Me and you.

So judgmentally.

How the sun simply magnifies our flaws.

Are we criminals against the law?

How every crease and every fold,

every hair becomes a story told.

As the world runs on it, the flaws.

Every business looking to extract it with their new technological claws.

But will, you. Run to me?

Will you. Be able to see?

The heart behind it all?

Be it winter,spring or fall?

If I’m cold, will I have your warmth?

 

Will you forget the world, only for the night

Like I forgot my lovers and my might?

Could you in this darkness.

Make me believe, I’m your goddess?

Close yours eyes and forget to look?

Let’s for once not use our minds.

No, not even our eyes.

 

We’ve looked too much, judged too much.

Oh, this blessed dusk,

Let’s fall in love and discover our own musk.

Let the scents fill  the room.

 

Discover me and I’ll you.

No makeup or clothes.

Just our fingers and toes!

So will you come to me at dusk

When the suns fallen and duties done?

 

 

My soul’s only muse.

You’re my soul’s only muse.

The years sprint through time as I hide my inner voice. “Don’t be crazy”; I say. My soul listens patiently. It whispers back to me,” Your heart that loves other men is only muscles contracting they will cease to beat eventually and your body that lusts will wrinkle you silly!”

I ignore like I always do. We have to enjoy life don’t we?

 ‘But I’m eternal, I belong to someone who’s a part of thee.’

 

You’re my souls only muse.

When my mind says it’s okay, and my heart approves, my soul denies. It doesn’t belong to me. Words like love at first sight, imprinting and soul mates sound insane in today’s day.

Yet, two souls belong, and people fall in love. Not the world’s love, the true love.

Soul’s love.

It can match no physical relation,

And no touching sensation,

When even miles away you know he’s yours to be.

Like your world revolves around only he.

When you’re tailor made for a reason,

To stick around every season…

I’m a dreamer and I won’t deny

You’re my soul’s only muse, I can’t lie.

Maybe I’m a bit too cheesy and a crazy romantic, but you bring light through the spectrum of life. I’ll  probably never be yours, yet I’ll always be.

You’re the prism of my soul, turn the white monotonousness into seven colours of life. My only source of light. I don’t want to make you mine, I’m already a part of you.  Sometimes it isn’t gravity it’s you other soul holding you.

God descends in many forms, for me it’s you. ‘Like my personal brand of heroine.’

Cared for me like my father would,

Held my hand like a friend should,

Blessed me as god could.

 

My muse. 🙂 

The Neurotic Writer’s Diary- Page 1

Most people prefer to keep secrets, big and small. Some like to discuss it with their friends far and close. And some like me? We tend to experience what we want to write (Not a very productive thing to do.)

I wouldn’t really call myself a writer but I’m on the path of it and that’s pretty evident. Upon great observation I came to realize that my life and it’s events and directly proportional to what I would write in the near future. This has, in fact landed me in deep trouble a couple of times.

I’m plain crazy, and that’s probably what gives me the ability to write. I recently saw this movie, even though her writing was just a part of the movie, it did really strike me.

The problem with our category of people or maybe everyone else too, ( not too sure) is that no matter what, whether we are extremely happy, an emotional wreck or just anything, we want to write it.

Why is that? Well, my fingers itch to write it down, and I’m not satisfied till a brilliant piece( my standards) is achieved.

I’d like to give narrate an extract from the movie;  This lady has almost fallen in love with this man and he too feels for her. With a very true heart he exclaims- ‘you’re a woman to love.’

Well, any woman would be delighted to hear that, and she was too. Later when things turned bitter she used the same tag line as her play’s title to narrate her short affair followed by a heart break. Here’s the difference :

For him, it was something that he would have wanted to keep as a little secret, something that was probably just  for them to know. It was equally special for her, except, she wanted to show it to the world. She wanted the world to know that ‘he’ told ‘her’( only and only her!) that.

There lies the problem, people like me want to shout it out to the world and later we are made to realize that’s it’s the wrong thing to do, that’s when my dilemma really begins!

To top it all we want our life to go not like a fairy tale but like a movie, drama, lot’s and lot’s of drama! What’s a love story without it, but what I forget is that, it’s my life! I’m ready to mess it up for a piece of writing in my head? That’s a little too much don’t you think?

I don’t really think there is much I can do about it. All I can do, is accept the fact that I want my life to be a neat movie in my head with well, a perfect ending. Is that too much to ask?

And to all the friends, brothers, boyfriends, crushes, bitches, best friends, sisters and family. Each one of you are really important in the play of my head’s story, you’re doing an amazing job! It’s me who needs to change just a little bit.

Signing off for now,

Will be back soon with another neurotic back stage scene.            

 

  

Goodbye – A warfare of thoughts

The brilliant day set, as the sun slightly bent to say goodbye. It provided light, hope, energy and certain kind of happiness to them as they stood hand in hand. Awing at the moment, he looked into her eyes as dusk greeted them. It’s always been a precious time, for the lovers and loners.

As darkness begins to crawl upon faces, with only street lights whizzing across, the feeling of togetherness heightens.

She mentally captured the moment; she would have to live with it for quite awhile. She adored him, and he knew.  But when will she see him again? Only fate knew.

For her it was bliss, his arms comforted her, and she knew she was safe. His shoulder always welcomed her head, because it fitted so perfectly. ‘Meant to be’.  He stroked her face gently, he did that when he wanted just a little more of her, when he wanted to convince his heart that the beauty real and his, only his!  The thought overwhelmed him and delighted his soul, because he always knew her as his.

His phone rings “of course”; she thought. He made her happy, and everything was perfect, but you can’t ignore life’s facts and after so many years, she had eventually learnt that. A sudden feeling of sickness was rising in her chest and burning it, as her stomach hurt with jealousy. She wanted to pull away, because the thought of another girl being in those arms being stroked and kissed the way she was? Absolutely terrified her.

He must be telling her the same things! The thought disgusted her. There’s nothing she could do, she loved him and she wanted him, he did too. Somehow, he sensed the feeling, and pulled her closer. Then another thought occurred to her, she thought about the other men she’s been with. They’ve held her too, told similar things.

She was mentally cross with him, and two thoughts later she decided to forgive him. Crazy love, she thought.

She could feel his fingers on her waist, begging her not to leave. But she was so confused; she didn’t want to be carried away by his scent and his love even though her soul craved for her every minute he was away. She wanted to be independent but for him she wanted to bend down and let all go of all her sanity.

He ended the call, it was just a minute long and so much had changed. She smirked at her stupidity. Both their parents waited for them as they stood stealing a few hours from the years in which they got to be together. Life, alas!

He told her sweet perfect words that even her boyfriends had never told, things and dreams she imagined him saying, now he did. She held on to his shirt, just to make sure it was all real.

Only if they could just stand there, even though it was in the middle of the metro station. She looked up to him, seemed like years she had had a chance to look into his eyes. They were still looking at her with the same intensity of love, which surprised her.

They had to say goodbye, even though they both loathed it. For a few minutes, he told her things about keeping in touch, hopes of meeting again, about life, fate, dreams. All those things with which she lived,

Things that convinced her all this time, but at that moment she was numb and horrified. The thought of leaving him made her heart ache, all emotions just stuck together, cluttered and jumbled like apple earphones.  He told her he loved her. Did he?  Would she wait for him to return? For fate to bring them together despite everything?  The thought made her restless.

He bent down to gently touch her lips, but she was so numb she couldn’t respond. He whispered to her and pulled her closer, convinced her he would be back just for her. The thought amused her, as he kissed her slowly because he didn’t want her to be living with the fear of losing him.  Finally, she melted to the softness of his lips and hands and gave all of herself as they held on to each other kissing passionately.

Sorrow, pain, aching happiness, gratitude all of it rushed through at the same time. He kissed her forehead, but she knew she had to walk away. Even if that’s with slow dreading steps because if she stayed, she’d want him more.

Want him in every way…

Run to her, his mind shouted,

Turn back, her heart screamed.

Get back, just one more time!

None did, time was running. They parted ways, just like they did long ago.

Illogical Love That Never Seems To End.

A cold breeze passes by, showing its dominance on nature and me. Even my favorite red checkered polo shirt can’t seem to resist it. I’m strong I tell myself , this wind is pleasant I say and there you are standing so close to me and yet so far away as I my teeth chatter and feet swing  in restlessness.

You and you’re mocking smiles. I’m so cold and yet your smile sends rushes of heat through me.

What you think and what I imagine are so very different. I’m wishing you would hold me with those hands made to perfection, but you just hope I go inside and get some heat.

I’m so bold so independent, or so I think. I can beat up a person in seconds I believe, but in front of you?

I realize how tiny I am, how fragile and how careless.

The breeze blows harder, I curse it for making me so helpless and silently I thank it for he may give me his warmth.

So naïve, so illogical!

But he? So right, so logical, so true.  How foolish I feel in his presence. “In your dreams”; I whisper to myself, I know it’s not right. But that’s who I am with him.

As though a beggar asking for money, with gleams of hope shining through his eyes. I ask myself, “When did I become this?” That’s what he calls dependence, as I stare at his face.

The breeze, now suddenly a magical element of goodness brings with it chilly drops of drizzle along.

 Rain! I want to scream!

I know he’s smiling now, it always rains! It’s my best friend because it comes along and reminds us of the all the meetings we ever had.

Wishes, dreams, fantasy is my world. Reality, logic, thrill is his.

I want to dance and smile ,laugh and cry ! I want to feel rain wet my curls and spread its scent, hoping he’ll remember how much he cherished admiring them. How rain made him think of miracles of life,  he hardly believed in. How the scent of my perfume and hair made him happy, how I once made him smile..

Just then I feel his arms embrace me, always been my savior! Both know it is oh so wrong. So many mixed feelings jumble up in my mind and I can’t decide how within  seconds my perceptions have dramatically changed. How in a minute I can fall for him and never realize how my heart converts “This is not right” to “This is perfect”.

It isn’t.. He still stands straight and numb; I know a thousand thoughts cross his mind. I want to pull away.

The irony!

Now its summer, the wind still blows but it doesn’t send shivers down my spine instead disgusts me with its heat.

I wait, for you to come around again, so it’ll rain

Let’s see what’s in store for us this time.