From the wrecked dirty window of her room she gazed at the slightly blackened building with spots of green. As though the grey clouds full of anger had left their marks on the once perfectly pretty structure.
She loved pondering, wondering. Stuff…
Smoke surrounded her, it had become a habit now, rather a part of her, just inhaling that toxic stick of pleasure.
“Maybe, I’m like the building. I was beautiful wasn’t I?”She asked the little gap of clean glass on her window that reflected her fragile face.
As she did, her eyes fixed upon the packet of Marlboro Gold. It reminded her of the cold winter night when she had first picked up that source of warmth ( the cigarette) . She was glad in a way, her shivering body did not need a man and her red lipstick had found it’s place. Or so she thought.
A creak from the door was left unheard. She wanted to be alone with some peace, she thought.
He traveled across the room buttoning his shirt as he walked up to her holding her waist from the back. He immediately fitted his head on her cold shoulder and said, “Last night was amazing babe.” She smirked to herself and gradually tilted her head to acknowledge his compliment.
He turned her around and glided his hands across her arms, picking out the cigarette from between her fingers and throwing it. He kissed her forehead and told her, “Don’t smoke?” She into his eyes like a homeless puppy. There was a mystery about her that he could never solve.
He wanted to just hang there, in her closeness. He wanted to hold her, comfort her. But she, was ice. He wondered when she’d really open up to him. He stroked her cascade of hair, pulled her closer and kissed her. Every time he did, he wished to see the love he wanted to. The one he had seen in her pictures…
“Stop smoking? For me?”He said, she simply smiled. He knew she liked him, but for her it wasn’t love.
She did not want to hurt him, she had even said that in her dreams.
She had fallen in love (or whatever that was) with too many people. Obsession maybe.
They all told her words of love, kisses, compliments, and yes, promises.
Promises of true love, of being mates for life. What was it after all?
She tried hard, every day, in and out, to recall one, just one relationship! That was true and lasting. If it’s true it ought to last right? Not in her case.
‘She forgot to give a chance,
got too lost in the egoistic dance.’
There he was waiting, in the same apartment. Yet she dreamed of a villa instead. She waited outside her window when he stood right there.
She lay her head on his chest as she heard his heartbeat when it occurred to her that she was lost in the smoky cloud of obsessions; and yes the building was like her. ‘Beautiful’. Alas, It was just her wrecked ‘dirty’ window that disillusioned her and made her lose her faith.
She smiled, dragged her head close to his cheek and silently thanked him. Somehow even in the silence he understood her acceptance and embraced her, this time forever.
‘Mine’, he thought. ‘So that’s what love is’, she smiled.